Beach Facts for Tourists – Please Read Before Visiting

Beach Facts for Tourists (Read at your own Risk)
Updated September 19, 2017

Jim Quick & Coastline are not King Tyrone & the Graveyard Ramblers. They are totally different groups. Anyone that thinks otherwise would believe Bruce Wayne is Batman and Clark Kent Superman. Get a life. Not the same people.

Wearing socks with flip-flops is wrong. Enough said.

Wearing socks with sandals is equally wrong.

Black socks and shorts are acceptable only if you’re from New Jersey.

Wearing socks is inappropriate for most occasions although exceptions exist. I actually own a pair. I wear them when I go to Green Bay, WI. Since I don’t plan to go back I will donate them to Goodwill.

ODMafia, We Own the Night (but at times we lease it to Hip Pocket)!!!

We don’t care how you did it back home, we’re here. This is the way it’s done.

We like golf cars, we’re in no hurry, we’re already at the beach.  Slow down and smell the salt air.

When going out, you’re not fully dressed without a smile.

When you order a Coke at a restaurant do not be surprised when you’re asked “What kind”.  Coke is our generic name for “soda”, “pop”, etc.

Mike Taylor of the Holiday Band is not Joe Cocker reincarnated (this one had me fooled for a while) although I would really, really like to hear Mike and Rhonda McDaniel do “Up where we belong”. Hey Keith Houston, you could make it happen.

If we say it’s cold at 45 degrees, it’s cold. We don’t care how cold it is “back home”. If you can’t sit on the beach in shorts and flip-flops, it’s cold.

Craig Woolard of the Embers is not related to Ray Charles. Those that keep saying Craig is Ray’s twin brother are wrong. Craig Woolard is much shorter.

North Myrtle Beach became famous during the 50’s and 60’s as the perfect destination for Senior Break, things haven’t changed. Even in 2017 North Myrtle is the perfect spot for seniors to celebrate, and we have the AARP card to prove it.

No, SugarCreek didn’t win Star Search (Although they should have).  Anybody recognize any of the band members. I’ll never tell.

Flip-flops are cool, wife beater t-shirts aren’t

Handling a prediction for snow differently than you would handle the apocalypse is fool-hardy.  See you at Food Lion, gotta get bread and milk.

The Yadkin River has it’s origin in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, It flows thru the Carolinas and the name changes to the PeeDee.  The PeeDee (Yadkin) flows to Georgetown where it forms the Atlantic Ocean.

You don’t have to stop at every Wings, Eagles, Pacific, etc. (They all have the same merchandise). If you must stop, please use your turn signals. Most automobiles built since the 50’s have them. It’s the lever on the left side of the steering wheel.

George Washington once said “Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble”. Don’t pack either when you visit.

If you’re shagging, you’re dancing dummy. This is not England. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Some of the best stories come in older books.

Bo the Webguy is not Spiderman’s sidekick.

When a local lady says “O Hell No”, it’s too late. Run for cover.

Beach Music is not the Beach Boys (although we do like them)

Men should never wear shorts shorter than the girls at MOTO’s.

We have lizards down here, they are harmless. We have alligators too. They will eat you. Feed them and they associate you with dinner.

We have sharks, they like to eat at dawn and dusk.  They are not too smart, if you wear shiny bracelets and ankle bracelets in the water they think they are little fish.  They may eat you.

The dunes are there for a purpose.  They protect us during hurricanes.  Do not allow your children to play on them. The fine is hefty.

We have Palmetto bugs, they are of the devil.

We also have flying, feathered rats.  Please do not feed them on the beach.  They are nasty and will poo on you and anyone unfortunately near you.

Don’t sit on the beach talking about how beautiful the ocean is and then leave 10 pounds of trash on the shore. North Myrtle Beach has placed cans for your use. Please use them.

Golf carts are not allowed on Ocean Boulevard nor are they allowed after dark.

When you come to the beach pack light, Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Lite.

Koozies should be a part of your wardrobe.  Never go out without one.

North Myrtle Beach is a separate city in Horry County. We are not related to Myrtle Beach. North Myrtle Beach was founded in 1968 and made up of four municipalities; Cherry Grove, Crescent Beach, Ocean Drive, and Windy Hill.

Horry County is pronounced O’Ree and was named after Peter Horry, a revolutionary war hero. Peter Horry served under Francis Marion, known here as the Swamp Fox.

Ninety-nine point nine percent of the lady bartenders and waitstaff are truly ladies. Say the wrong thing and there is a ninety-nine point nine percent chance that you will get your ass whipped and your heart blessed at the same time. Southern ladies are delightfully dangerous.

We respect the North Myrtle Beach and Horry County police officers. Do the same and you will have no trouble. Walk down the street with a beer in your hand and you will be ticketed. Toby Keith told you all you need to know when he released “Red Solo Cup”.

Grits is a food group.

You’ve got muggings, we got mugginess.  The humidity won’t kill you.  Accept it.

Speaking of heat & humidity, our ladies do not sweat, they glisten.

To spot great shaggers, watch their face not their feet. If they’re smiling they’re doing it right.

Many people think Michael Jumper, Donna Mills, Harold Small, Tim Smith and Dan Summitt are ODMafia.  They are not.  They are only ODMafia photographers.  You are ODMafia.

At the end of the day, your feet should be sandy, your hair windblown and your eyes bright and sparkling.

To Be Continued…